The Zombie Conspiracy Criticisms

FOR ALL MEMBERS OF THE BUDDING WRITERS LEAGUE TO READ!!!

Hi! I’m Amos Yee, the writer of chapter 10 of, ‘The Zombie Conspiracy’. I’ve read the entire booklet and I tried to spot out all the major continuity errors throughout the whole story arc, which there is a lot of. However my first concern is whether or not the whole story is going to have a definitive style to it, or will it just be a mash-up of fifteen different styles? Will such a book be accepted in today’s market?

Anyways, I’m just going to just point out all the major continuity errors that seems prominent so the fellow authors can rewrite the chapters more effectively and link them together in perfect sequence. I won’t go critical with the language used because honestly, I don’t think I’m a good writer, so I don’t think my judgement would be that reliable.

Chapter 1

By Kirat and ManKirat

This chapter basically narrated how the zombie virus spread and how the Treaty Of Oracles was signed to disinfect the zombies. The treaty was then broken and mass hysteria happens. Percival, the renowed reporter stumbles upon a book while researching the RESTRICTED section of the government about zombies. He finds it mysterious and the goes out to solve the mystery. Years past and he soon gave up on it and continued his usual routine as a reporter, irritably.

Criticisms:

It was never mentioned that the treaty signed in 1970 was named the, ‘Treaty Of Oracles’ in chapter 1 when in chapter 10 it was stated as such.  To prevent confusion, chapter 1 really should state the the treaty was called the ‘Treaty Of Oracles’ and give reasons for such a name, as in chapter 14 another treaty was signed after the great battle of 1999, so really there should be two disctinctive treaties and two separate names for it. Thus, the ‘treaty of oracles’ should be stated while the separate name of the other treaty signed should be stated and named in chapter 14, and it would satisfy the continuity errors of chapter 10.

If everyone already knew that some people were infected with the zombie virus, why couldn’t they just have lived in peace together whether they were zombie or not? I mean… it was just a change of physical appearance, it’s not that a big of a deal. Why did it lead to fights and wars? Was it a symbology of how racial stereotyping in Singpapore works? Is it because there was a hidden government official that corrupt everyone to think they were legitimate zombies? This really should be explained.

Chapter 2

By Jake Lee

Percival comes upon an incident of cannibalism done by the zombies. He tries to save the victim and gets bitten in the process.

Criticisms:

What’s up with the murder in chapter 2? In doesn’t get mentioned in any other chapters. Should chapter 3 have mentioned it? Was the murder victim Susan Wilkes of chapter 10? Also, in chapter 10 it is revealed that the zombies didn’t even kill any victims? So were the zombies that bit Percival just the government dressed up in zombie costumes? However in chapter 12, it was because of the bite that Percival was immune to the nuclear energy. So the zombies did in fact kill people to intimidate the government? Meaning that they’re not really that harmless after all? Can someone explain this? Should chapter 10 have explained that???

Chapter 3

By Natasha Chandra

Percival gets more worried by the bite mark. Then he decides to go meet Mr.Jenkins, a government official to learn about the zombies

Criticisms:

Well there aren’t any major continuity chapters, it fits perfectly with the story. However the conclusion of the chapter just seems odd. Shouldn’t the percival be too anticipated to sleep? And doesn’t the idea that the percival will meet Mr.Jenkins excite him even more for him not to go ‘drift off to dreamland’? And because Percival is going to meet Mr.Jenkins the next day does that mean that the fear that’s initially in him fade away? Shouldn’t he be more fearful??

By this point in the story, there should already be newspaper reports of cannabalism of Susan Wilkes or whoever it was that was killed in chapter 2, otherwise the explanations in chapter 10 wouldn’t really matter.

Chapter 4

By Adira Chow

Percival goes over to meet Mr Jenkins, and Mr.Jenkins tells him that the treaty is going to expire and Mr.Jenkins tells Percival that he should go out and find the rebel leader to uncover the mystery.

Criticisms

THE TREATY HAS ALREADY BEEN EXPIRED! Not ‘going to expire due to the new millenium’. If it didn’t, events that occurred in chapter 2 wouldn’t have happened. Unless it is a separate virus that infected the zombies which should be explained in chapter 10??

Shouldn’t Mr Jenkins already know that Percival already encountered Zombies after the newspaper reports came out about the death of Susan Wilkes in Chapter 2? Why did he drop the cups, what made him so shock? The police were there right, wouldn’t they tell some reporters to put out the word for people to BEWARE THE FLESh-EATING ZOMBIES??

Mr Jenkins should mention something about the nuclear plan in this chapter and how the government’s plan with them is still unknown, though crucial to knowing more about the zombies, because in chapter 5 there isn’t an explanation assuming that this chapter had already explained it.

Chapter 5

By Jeremy Tan

Percival goes into the zombie’s hideout.

Criticisms:

How did the percival find out that the zombies were living in the underground MRT tracks. It was never mentioned in chapter 4. Chapter 4 just stated that they lived in ‘Underground Tunnels’. Is Percival psychic?

Furthermore, the MRT tracks and the MRT are built by the ZOMBIES in chapter 10, so there shouldn’t be a mention about the MRT as it will still be unknown to the protagonists up to this point. The only time Percival finds out about the MRT is in chapter 10, however however it is referred to as the Mass Rapid transit until chapter 15 where the term, ‘MRT’ was formed, which I’ll get into later on.

There were no nightmares that Percival faced before, unless there was which should constitute chapter 3’s ending. Also, how did the percival just magically guessed that zombies were like humans? Was he psychic??

Also, this chapter is so well-written that kinda overshadows the whole story.

Chapter 6

By Wong Li Xin

August gets captured by the Zombies and gets locked together with Vell, a hybrid  and a mute autistic boy. Percival learns that zombies are actually like humans only different physically. Vell helps suck up the poison out of Percival when he got bitten by the zombie. Guarded by zombie thugs outside, the trio tries to figure out a way to get out of the cell.

Criticisms:

At the start of the chapter, it starts with the percival in a lift where in chapter 5, there wasn’t even a mention of the lift.

Why did Percival get captured so easily? Being a top reporter he didn’t think of self-defense when he entered when he thought of as a zombie hideout??? Somebody has to explain this.

Why was Vell and August in the cell?

Chapter 7

By Nicole Choong

The trio escapes, though Percival thinks that the hybrid girl should stay as it might be dangerous for her outside, and then kisses her good bye.

Criticisms:

Shero is a throw-away character, he is never mentioned in any other part of the story.

They got out of the cell pretty easily, so why didn’t Vell and August get out of the cell eariler?? Did they have to wait for the percival to give them motivation?

Why is August talking in this chapter? Isn’t he supposed to be mute.

Why was Percival surprised at August’s levitation powers when August had already proven his powers with the sound wave thing in chapter 6?

Why is August such a douche in this chapter??

Wasn’t the hybrid girl locked in the cell? Isn’t she dangerous in the zombie’s hideout? Why did Percival tell her to stay?? IT DOESN’T MAKE SENSE!!!

Why did Chapter 7 say they were going to find the government next when the purpose of Percival to go down to the underground tunnel was to find the zombie leader?????

Chapter 8

By Rachel Chow

August and the Percival raids the zombie hideout and meets katata-boo, they then find a secret door….

Criticism

Doesn’t link to any part of the story at all

Why couldn’t Vell come along when they were in the zombie base?

How is the architecture towering when it’s underground?

Why are there so long paragraphs?

Why is Katata Boo revealed when it is not revealed until chapter 10? How did the percival know it’s name? They didn’t even know he was the zombie leader!

Chapter 9

By  Jolene Kong

August reveals a secret journal he has which reveals secrets about the zombies. Then August gets shot.

Criticism:

Dialogue is SUPER corny.

How did August get the journal??

How did August talk at the end? The bullet opened up his voice cabinet??

Chapter 10

By Amos Yee

Percival meets Lucius Bond and Katata-Boo and he finds out all the secrets behind the government.

Criticism:

How did Percival know where Shackler’s Bar was?

Chapter 11

By Leong Chong Yu

The zombies and humans go to war.

Criticism

Who’s Zolan? If he means Zoran then shouldn’t it be mentioned only in chapter 12?

I know it’s rude to say this….. but the writing style seems really unpleasant to read.

Chapter 12

By Karol Lehr

Percival joins sides with the zombie and Katata-Boo and then Katata-Boo is shot.

Criticism

Who’s the whisperer?? It was never mentioned in any other chapters.

Chapter 13

By Shafika Ghani

The fight continues

Criticism

The zombie’s hideout is not called exile island, it’s called Regal Bay as mentioned in Chapter 10.

Why is there an appearance of Katata-Boo when he already died in chapter 12? Did he resurrect?

Chapter 14

By Geraldine Choo

The zombies call for a ceasefire

Criticism

Percival’s mother wasn’t mentioned in any of the previous chapters, so it’s kinda like a throw-away character.

Chapter 15

By Leong Sih-Zau

Everything turns out ok

Criticism

What happened to the ceasefire? Did the government agree?

It states that the prime minister gave Percival some medal of honour? Didn’t the prime minister die in chapter 11? Unless it is the new prime minister that hasn’t been stated?

Gotta mention the Zombies continued building the MRTs we have today.

Have to link to chapter 14 and solve it’s conflicts

This chapter seems like an epilogue!

Well, that’s all the continuity errors I spotted, feel free to comment if I missed something out, and I might update this post even more after further readings. I hope this helps all of the fellow writers in their 3^rd draft!